Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or {insert your preferred festive greeting here} Dear Readers!
Before I even begin to gush about "Home Alone at Longbourn," let me just warn you all now, that I will be doing a lot of complaining in this post about how jealous I am that Jayne Bamber thought of this idea, and I did not! This has been a common complaint since I began reading it, but I suppose I must forgive her, for I was accorded the delight of an advance copy!
If perhaps, you prefer your holiday hijinks to be of the literary variety, instead of the Hollywood kind, then Ms Bamber has a treat for us, and we get to open it on Christmas Eve!
Synopsis:
It's nearly Christmas at Longbourn. Elizabeth Bennet's beloved sister Jane has just wed Charles Bingley, mere weeks after the Netherfield Ball. Elizabeth's best friend Charlotte has married Mr. Collins. Elizabeth's nemesis, Mr. Darcy, has departed the county, while her favorite relations, the Gardiners, have come up from London. She ought to be overjoyed. Instead, she's miserable.
Amidst the Christmastide chaos, things go from bad to worse, and on the night before the whole family intends to depart for the Bingleys' new estate in Derbyshire, Elizabeth's temper boils over. In the morning she wakes to an empty house... and a shocking discovery....
Whether her family has left her behind as a punishment, or simply forgotten about her, Elizabeth obstinately insists she shall make the most of the rare solitude at her home - but she is not the only one who intends to take advantage of her family's absence. Elizabeth overhears a pair of devious officers planning a holiday heist at her home, and she is shocked to learn a few other soldiers she once trusted are involved in the conspiracy.
When Fitzwilliam and Georgiana Darcy's journey north to Pemberley is interrupted by a snowstorm, they seek refuge in Meryton, and find both romance and retribution in the air as they team up with Elizabeth Bennet to defend her home against a band of treacherous thieves. Swoon-worthy courtship and high-stakes shenanigans abound in this holiday novella....
Did I mention how jealous I am of Jayne for this idea? I hope so... Here's my review...
"Home Alone at Longbourn" is an absolute delight for fans of both Jane Austen and a bit of holiday mischief. Imagine Elizabeth Bennet, left to her own devices at Longbourn, only to learn that her solitude won’t last long – Wickham and his band of miscreant officers have plans to rob the place!
When Darcy and Georgiana show up ahead of a snowstorm, they find Elizabeth in the village in distress, and quickly come to her aid. What follows is a Regency-era "Home Alone," but with snowball fights, friendship, and a dash of romance. The banter between Elizabeth and Darcy sparkles as always, but the real stars are Mrs. Hill and Mrs. Annesley.
Who knew Mrs. Annesley could be so formidable? Her calm efficiency paired with Mrs. Hill’s no-nonsense approach makes for some of the funniest and most unexpected moments in the book. Picture genteel ladies rigging up booby traps and strategizing with a bloodthirsty housekeeper like generals – the result is pure hilarity.
Darcy’s protectiveness of Elizabeth shows without being heavy-handed, and Georgiana’s quiet strength adds warmth to the snowy, high-stakes adventure. And, of course, our favourite villain getting his comeuppance in such an amusing way is incredibly satisfying. If you’re in the mood for a cozy, clever twist on Miss Austen's classic characters, this lighthearted comedy is a perfect holiday read. As always, Ms Bamber stays true to the spirit of Austen’s world – with just a little extra sparkle and snow for good measure.
But do not let ME convince you, Dear Reader... Feast your mind on this charming excerpt from chapter one!
Excerpt:
By the time Elizabeth returned to the drawing room, the officers had taken their leave.
“Mamma invited them to dine with us, but the Colonel said they had other calls to make in the neighborhood,” Lydia said, looking smug at Elizabeth’s abandonment.
A dozen people crowded in the dining room was quite enough, as it happened. Even with the Gardiner children relegated to the nursery for their evening meal, Elizabeth’s relations remained as boisterous as they had ever been. Her mother speculated loudly about the eligible gentlemen her single daughters might encounter during their stay at Macallister Manor, suggesting perhaps one or two of them might reside with the Bingleys permanently if there proved to be good prospects for them in the neighborhood. Lydia chimed in with her demands that Mr. Bingley give a ball for the Twelfth Night, and their new brother took it in good humor.
Further down the table, Elizabeth could see a look of alarm flash across Jane’s face. Her sister met her gaze, but Elizabeth turned away. She recalled how warmly she and Charlotte had spoken to one another when the Collinses called that morning to take their leave, as if they shared some great secret secret as newly married women. It chafed Elizabeth, who had long believed it unlikely she should ever marry, since she required so much.
Jane was gentle and patient, and was satisfied with a husband who was kind and affable, while Charlotte was pragmatic enough to be content with a comfortable home - complete with shelves in the closet and the patronage of the estimable Lady Catherine de Bourgh. Elizabeth wanted a man of wit and intelligence, tremendous depth of feeling and superior discernment, a man who could inspire ardent love and affection, and would treat her as an equal and share in all her pursuits. She knew very well that there was no such man in existence, and so she would likely end an old maid, never able to share in the new status Jane and Charlotte had in common.
She did not wish to resent them for their happiness, and silently chastised herself until her father began to tease her. “Well, Lizzy,” he chortled. “Your mother will be more keen to part with you than Jane - though I have never anticipated either prospect with much enthusiasm. But she is not a woman to be gainsaid. Do you think she shall carry her point, and find you a beau to meet beneath the mistletoe while we are away? Mr. Darcy is inflicting his brooding stares upon some other poor lady in London, no doubt, Charlotte snatched Collins out from under you, which was very well done of her, and Mr. Wickham departed the house before he could woo you with more tales of woe in the garden. let us hope the gentlemen in Derbyshire are up to snuff, eh?”
Elizabeth tried to share in her father’s laughter, but it did not feel quite right. Was this all her life was to be, with the Bingleys moving away? She could remain a disappointment to her mother and a source of levity to her father here at home, with her younger sisters inevitably adding difficulty to the already slim chances another gentleman of means came into the area - or she could consent to be a burden on Jane and Charles, who were too amiable to deny her mother’s wishes.
Before Elizabeth could make any reply, her Uncle Gardiner turned to her and said, “I had thought to ask you to remain awhile in London with us, for I believe it is your turn, but Madeline has already agreed for Kitty to stay with us after we depart Macallister Manor. Your sister had promised to help little Ned and Betsy with their spelling and reading, for they drive your aunt to distraction, and Kitty has a very gentle way with them.”
Elizabeth was sure she would not have been cross with her younger sister, who had just stayed with the Gardiners last year, were she not already in a foul mood. She was not formed for ill-humor, and generally she could quickly laugh herself into better spirits when her family provoked her - this was so frequent an occurrence that she would have been in perpetual bitterness if she had not learned such a skill. But tonight, she simply could not find her way back to any semblance of good cheer.
She had little appetite, though the family remained at the table for nearly two hours - only after they had all adjourned to the parlor afterward did Elizabeth regret her peckish sulking as her stomach growled. She was ravenous by the time her mother recollected a family tradition they would not be able to enjoy in Derbyshire - Mrs. Hill’s special Christmas biscuits. It was well past the hour the cantankerous Gardiner children ought to have been abed, though Elizabeth had endeavored at length to organize her cousins and sisters in order to partake in their seasonal treat.
Mrs. Hill bustled in with peppermint tea and two trays of biscuits, ceremoniously placing them on a table in the center of the room. The warm scent of honey, vanilla, and cinnamon permeated the parlor. At the back of the room, Elizabeth paused and closed her eyes, drawing in a slow breath of the heavenly smell. She had waited a whole year for these biscuits, and she was positively ravenous.
The rest of her family all began to serve themselves from the two trays. One was piled high with biscuits baked with walnuts, and a smaller tray bore half a dozen biscuits made instead with cranberries, for Elizabeth, Mary, and Mr. Bennet were all prone to hives if they ate even a small serving of nuts. Mr. Bennet took two and then passed the tray to Mary, who did the same. They both moved away to speak with Mr. Phillips, leaving the tray on the table for Elizabeth.
But she was too late. Lydia grabbed up the biscuits and bit into one, letting out a contented hum as she savored the taste. “Lydia,” Elizabeth cried, aghast.
Lydia smiled wickedly, then shrugged her shoulders before taking a bite of the other biscuit. “What?” Lydia asked as she chewed, spilling crumbs onto her chest.
“But I cannot have the ones with walnuts, you know that,” Lizzy said, wounded by her sister’s deliberate malice. Her hurt turned to rage. “You did that on purpose.”
“I adore cranberries,” Lydia said, taking another bite. “And surely you can have some of the other biscuits. It is hardly anything if you have a little rash from the walnuts, we shall be miserable enough sharing one bed for the four of us tonight, and for the nights of our journey both for you know how Mary snores! And then we shall be crammed in the carriage for three days! Tell her, Mamma!”
Mrs. Bennet had turned to observe the sister’s squabble; she waved her handkerchief as she leaned backward in her chair. “Oh for heaven’s sake, Lydia, I will not hear another complaint about traveling or your father will never bring us anywhere again! And it is so kind of Mr. Bingley to invite us all to his new home as soon as he takes possession of the place! And you, Lizzy - eat the walnut biscuit and be done with it, I am sure you will survive the ordeal! You have been petulant all day and I cannot think why!”
Elizabeth pressed her eyes shut for a moment as she attempted to measure her reply. She met Aunt Madeline’s eye across the room and resolved to suppress her vexation. “I apologize if I was unpleasant, Mamma,” she said, reminding herself how wretched it would be to spend the next three days traveling if her mother remained cross with her.
But Mrs. Bennet did not let the matter rest. “It is no great wonder Mr. Wickham was in haste to get away this afternoon, with you looking so vicious - the poor man likely feared for his life, the daggers you were staring! Glaring at everyone all day, I cannot think what has gotten into you - not that I minded some reprieve from your usual impertinence - but you have done us all a great wrong, refusing to make merry at such a time! Scowling as if you might murder when Mary played Christmas carols, losing your patience with your dear, sweet cousins when you usually join in their games, and looking as if you would perish straight away when Charlotte came to call. It is as if you do not care a whit for your family!”
Elizabeth could not summon the words to assure her mother that she loved them all dearly, and could not at all account for her churlishness. As she looked around, everyone was staring at her. Her father shifted uncomfortably and averted his eyes, but did not speak up for her. Jane smiled sadly, as if lamenting some personal slight at Elizabeth’s hands. Lydia grinned. Mrs. Phillips tittered softly before suddenly growing interested in her cup of tea. Mrs. Gardiner looked as if she would speak, but her husband patted her on the shoulder before clearing his throat. “Now, Fanny….”
“No, Edward, I demand some account of Lizzy’s surliness, for all of you have spoken of it at some time or other today.”
Tears of betrayal and remorse pricked at Elizabeth’s eyes, but the triumphant set of her younger sister’s shoulders made Elizabeth resolve not to cry in front of her family. She might have been sorry for letting her beastly mood affect them, had they not all turned on her in such a way. The shame that had overpowered her gave way to anger, and she clenched her fists at her sides. “If my presence has dampened the spirits of the evening, I shall gift you all my absence. Good night.”
Elizabeth stormed out of the room, barely maintaining her dignified composure; once she rounded the corner and reached the stairs, she let out a ragged breath that was nearly a snarl. Covering her face with her hands, she hurried up the stairs, and wept alone in her room for a quarter of an hour. When her unaccountable distress was spent, Elizabeth began to gather a pillow and one of the extra blankets that Hill had brought in for the girls. Mary certainly would snore all night, and Elizabeth had no wish to be tempted to put a pillow over Mary’s face in the wee hours. She changed into her nightgown, grateful her sisters remained downstairs as she took the bedding and crept up into the attic. There was an old chaise longue covered with a larger white sheet - this would suffice for the night.
She folded the blanket to add another layer of warmth over herself as she laid down to sleep, knowing as her head hit the pillow that slumber was hours away. She could only dwell on her own bitter thoughts.
Jane was leaving Longbourn forever. The week she had been away had been bearable with Charlotte’s company, but Charlotte was going away, too. Her two favorite people would no longer be a part of her daily life, save for mere letters. And she would be left with the rest of her family, her younger sisters making themselves ridiculous as her mother encouraged their folly and their father merely laughed at it. And even if another gentleman such as Mr. Bingley should come along, which was not terribly likely, her relations would behave just as they always did, and she would be pushed at him without any delicacy or discretion. Could there be another man who would tolerate their antics with such equanimity as Mr. Bingley? And could there be such a man who could endure their nonsense while being capable of deeper thoughts and feelings?
Elizabeth was sure she would end an old maid, a burden to either Charlotte or Jane. “The spinster in the attic,” she mused aloud, and for the first time that day she laughed - at her own absurdity.
Our Lizzy is so out of sorts! None of you will believe what she gets up to in Chapter Two, when she is quite alone in the house. Unfortunately, I cannot satisfy you, Dear Readers. You must download the book on Amazon immediately to gratify your urge to learn what happens next!
*****
About the author:
Jayne Bamber is a life-long Austen fan, and a total sucker for costume dramas. Jayne read her first Austen variation as a teenager and has spent more than a decade devouring as many of them as she can. This of course has led her to the ultimate conclusion of her addiction, writing one herself.
Jayne’s favorite Austen work is Sense and Sensibility, though Sanditon is a strong second. Despite her love for Pride and Prejudice, Jayne realizes that she is no Lizzy Bennet, and is in fact growing up to be Mrs. Bennet more and more each day.
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